And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
