She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
