it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
