I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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