did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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