New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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