Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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