I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
