Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
