Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
