I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
