I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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