He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
