I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
