why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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