so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
