I want to stick my p in your. b.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wish there were birth control emojis
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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