last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize