which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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