i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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