i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
