Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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