We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
