Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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