i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sober January is a disaster.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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