Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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