What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
