Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
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Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
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Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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