he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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