Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
