please come you make the beer taste better
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
