my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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