Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
