It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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