in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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