I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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