u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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