she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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