He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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