allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
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I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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