I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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