Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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