your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
