i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
