He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
