Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
even my farts smell like vagina
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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