I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
