i need an iv and a liver transplant
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
