My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
