He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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