i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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