Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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