Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
