i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
