some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
