who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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