you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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