i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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