i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
